It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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