man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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