She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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