We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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