i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
