I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
