babies were throwing up all over the place
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
