Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
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