he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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