Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
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thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
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I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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