I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
