there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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