bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
