Me too!
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
