YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
