you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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