Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
