just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
