she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
