He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Every concussion has its silver lining
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
