i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
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