I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
So. Much. Porn.
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