I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
