A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
