I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
