they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
