Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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