i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
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