Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
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