He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
