SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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