I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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