honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
My vagina just recognized that song.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
