I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
