I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just forgot I was standing up.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
