the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
