Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
