He disabled his match.com account in front of me
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
