Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Come share oat with me in your robe
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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