how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
