I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
this boner is exhausting
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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