you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
this is an emotional support booty call
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
