a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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