there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
