Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
