So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
