walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.