i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
