I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
