well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
