So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
