I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
