we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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