You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
