I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
whose parrot is this?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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