I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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