i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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