how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Randomize
