I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
