feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
