i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
