I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize