thus making me awesome and them whores
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
