How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
you will always have a special place in my vag
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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