I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
