My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
