Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
