Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
