You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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