THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
