I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
